riding forth half blind

Odin ventured to Mimir's Well, near Jötunheim, the land of the giants; not as Odin, but as Vegtam the Wanderer, clothed in a dark blue cloak and carrying a traveller's staff. To drink from the Well of Wisdom, Odin had to sacrifice his eye(which eye he sacrified is unclear), symbolizing his willingness to gain the knowledge of the past, present and future. As he drank, he saw all the sorrows and troubles that would fall upon men and the gods. He also saw why the sorrow and troubles had to come to men. Mímir accepted Odin's eye and it sits today at the bottom of the Well of Wisdom as a sign that the father of the gods had paid the price for wisdom.

Lately I feel like I've been such a crazy ass and I love it! I've been doing a lot of crazy things the past couple of years. There where times when I do stuff even despite the fact that I know that it's wrong, not usual, or senseless. I just feel like I needed to.

I think it all started when I chose to fail a subject about two years ago. It was my first time to fail a subject. Again I say I just feel like I needed to. I wasn't really doing well in that subject and the professor wasn't very encouraging. I stopped trying to design and I just didn't submit my plate, after all I had nothing to submit. As expected I failed the subject. Of course my parents were upset. It was also a bit embarrassing. The following semester, I took the same subject again, and I had the same professor as well. Fortunately this time around I passed. I was able to focus more and and was able to work out on my weaknesses in that subject. Eventually I was able to catch up, became a regular student again and most of my classmates think I improved a lot.

About a month ago I had my first boyfriend. I like guys, I have sex with guys, but I never really wanted nor imagined to have a serious relationship with a guy. I never really believed that a gay relationship could work out, for me at least, even now after having a boyfriend for almost a month.

We were having sex. As we were going at it like bunnies he just decided to ask me if I want him to be my boyfriend. I paused for a short while, caught by surprise. Then he repeated the question and I said yes! I said yes half-knowing that I shouldn't for a lot of reasons. I said yes half-thinking I wanted him. Again I say I just feel like I needed to.

He's quite an ass! I don't think he's taking our relationship seriously. He hardly makes any effort to make it work. We've only seen each other once since he became my boyfriend, and it wasn't even longer than fifteen minutes. He doesn't even text me unless I text him. Ironically, it was his idea that we become boyfriends. I was fine with us being fuck buddies. I just don't get it. It doesn't make sense but still I go on with it. I go on with it half-knowing that our relationship seems to be a joke and I'm only gonna get myself hurt. I go on with it half thinking I wanna love somebody. Oh what the heck! I need to!

Ever since I was young I've always loved that parable about the road less traveled. I wanna take the road less taken. I wanna do the things other people would usually be too afraid to do. I wanna do the things people would not usually expect me to do. I wanna do what others think I can't achieve. But taking that road requires a lot of courage and willingness for it will not be easy. It is risky! That's why they say life is about taking risks and paying the price. Because if you always take the easy way you're life must be really boring and pathetic.

I took the road less traveled when I said yes to my boyfriend. I know it's not going to be easy. I know this journey may not be victorious. This is the risk I took. Now it's a matter of riding forth and keeping the faith in all.